Naked and Triggered

Hey lovelies,

Some of you know me on a deeper level. If you followed my first blog, Tantrachick, or know me personally, you are aware of my history with childhood sexual abuse.

What you may or may not know is how deeply the original abuse affected how I felt in my body. As a teen, the shame I felt about my body developed into a deep level of body hatred.

I loathed my body in its physical form and I hated the attention I received from men. I became anorexic and bulimic at the age of 16. I even briefly began ‘cutting’.

That’s why this journey of body love is so important to me. I am determined to fully embrace myself in mind, spirit AND body. My body has flaws. All bodies do. But I also believe that EVERY BODY is beautiful.

Body love is not about thinking your body is perfect. It’s about embracing your body despite the flaws and regardless of whether or not you meet society’s standards of ‘beauty’.

Yesterday a follower on Twitter commented on my photo. He simply said, “What a beautiful vagina”. I was so triggered I literally saw red. I insanely pissed. This is the photo:

To be 100% honest, I didn’t even notice my yoni when I looked at the photo. I just saw me connecting with self love. But this man did not comment on self love or acceptance, he simply told me I had a pretty vagina.

Over the years I have learned that if I automatically become triggered and angry in response to a comment, there is work to be done.

I suppose the journey is to love my vagina enough that it’s okay for someone to compliment her. To this point I have seen my yoni as something so sacred and protected that someone commenting on her clearly makes me reactionary.

So I will do the work…

I hope you are having a beautiful day!

From my heart to yours,

Joy

16 Comments Add yours

  1. DartSwimmer says:

    Joy, you are awesome and beautifully made, I hope you settle the past with forgiveness and become at peace, we all make mistakes, keep loving yourself and making love… Its healing . Thanks for your testimony… Geoff

  2. Anonymous says:

    My heart hurts to hear of your childhood sexual abuse. Your photos do reflect a person growing in normal acceptance of your body. Even your unshaved bush embodies acceptance of your true beauty.

  3. coolbrzy says:

    It’s tragic how impressionable children can quickly pick up the abusive habits they see modeled on tv or by adults around them. Often bullying is a means of masking the bully’s own insecurities. Unfortunately most bullies never know the impact and trauma of their actions. Glad you have come so far in overcoming your traumatic experiences; keep walking forward one step at a time in the long journey of recovery and self discovery!

    1. It is sad how many kids deal with bullying. Now they use cyber bullying so the kids suffering cannot escape them. Glad there are so many positive campaigns against bullying. Yes, one step at a time though I am pretty far along my path…๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ˜˜

  4. bamptonian says:

    Wow! These photos show someone who is clearly at ease in their own skin. Thank you for sharing your testimony. It goes to show the journey you’ve been on and it’s inspiring.

    1. ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’—

  5. CaptainDuckman says:

    Their loss if they only looked at one tiny area, shows their mental, if not their physical age.
    You’re a beautiful woman, all of you, not just one little part (which I couldn’t make out in that photo even if I tried, which I didn’t because it doesn’t matter).
    Sorry to hear you were sexually abused as a child, nobody should have to go through that.

    Do not let a few idiots deter you from doing what you do, they’re not worth it. If they ruin your life, they’ll have won. And yes, I know that now. I’ve not suffered sexual abuse, but a decade of relentless bullying as a child, with nobody supporting me, neither parents nor teachers, hardened me to the point I still have serious issues relating to other people decades later.
    Don’t become like that if you can avoid it.

    1. Awe thank you for sharing. I think what I learned from this particular experience is to accept that when people say a body part is beautiful rather than comment on the person, it can definitely feel demeaning.

      At the same time, I have interacted with this person on multiple occasions (through social media) and know they didnโ€™t have a negative intention. He was actually horrified that he offended me and apologized repeatedly.

      I was also bullied as a child. People didnโ€™t notice me physically until I entered high school. Then the boys who made fun of me in elementary school wanted to fuck me. Sorry for the vulgar language but thereโ€™s no nice way to say it lol.

      It was shocking to me that someone who had been so awful to me would think that I would want to be intimate with them. Life teaches us so much about the human existence. Itโ€™s is awe inspiring. ๐Ÿ’—

  6. Russell LaSota says:

    AS they say it takes all kinds to make the world go round. In my 69 years of learning i have learn (like you said) no body is perfect (my shortcomings are displayed every time I am naked around others) but its not important to my freedom of being totally free from clothes and masks. When I was at Orient beach in St Martin back in 1998 my ex and I were at the beach when a gentleman walked by with testicles the size of a softball. Being different caught our attention but I quickly learned a valuable life lesson. It turns out the man had a illness that caused the problem but the lesson that really hit home was his ability to life his life free to the stares and not let anyone stop him from be who he is. Since that moment I have learn to enjoy each person for their uniqueness and their inner beauty. Another time I was at Dessert Sun Resort in Palm Springs sunning on a chair while my wife was swimming, a lady was sunning in a chair next to mine and we started talking. We talked about many things where we were from family life etc. I was shocked towards the end of our conversation to find out she was a rocket scientist lecturing In Los Angeles. I was a telecommunications person and yet naked neither of us care our status in life only that moment sharing our stories.

    1. Those are all beautiful stories about the human (naked) experience. Thank you so much for sharing! From my heart to yours, Joy

  7. Anonymous says:

    These photos are beautiful as have been all of your photos from the 1st time I became aware of you & a FB friend & also thru your site here…I am honored to know you & I know of a lady friend that has been thru , sexual abuse ,,,& she like you has battled & fought long & hard to over come it…& like you is an amazing beautiful woman in every way….I do hope to talk to you some time & share so much with you…Be well…

    1. Thank you for sharing and supporting me on my journey! We are all on a journey together…each of us walk our own path…๐Ÿ’—

  8. George Scott Hanzelka says:

    I’m so glad that you are working through these issues.I see the pics as someone who is overcoming challenges and showing the beauty in resilience and strength of the human form.Your story and journey is one of great inspiration to many,so never lose hope.Great post,Joy.

    1. Awe thank you! ๐Ÿ’—

  9. Bare Beach Bum says:

    You have truly made an amazing journey and are to be commended for it! Congratulations!

    1. Thanks luv!

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